How to set boundaries

How to set boundaries

 

We were the first on the penthouse floor (it’s the top floor so, in our eyes, that’s the penthouse right?).  

We were the first office occupied.  

I like firsts.  

And then “others” started to come in. It’s a 7000 sq. ft. floor space and we do not need all of it – we have a transient LS population of visitors and our 500sq foot is suffice. We know that.  

But then others started to come in.  

We have become acutely aware of when someone uses our glasses in the communal kitchen. When part of the team meeting last week involved a discussion about our new Tupperware strategy - it has become apparent that we have space issues in the communal fridge and our thoughts were we could leave a dummy Tupperware in there and then slot in our salads when we arrive in the morning, 

I knew we had to let it go.  

Yep, that’s how we roll.  

And then I found myself running around doing separate meetings for different people and finding myself loosing focus and missing deadlines on my own work.   

Boundaries.  

We get upset when people cross these invisible magic forces that we set.

How often are we clear about them? 

How could I be getting upset about the lack of space for my Ginger Zinger juice but then allow myself to be running ragged over someone else’s timescales.  

Boundaries.  

How often do we give a level of clarity to others about where they exist and what you will or will not allow?   

Boundaries define who we are relative to the rest of the world; when we lack boundaries and/or the tools to enforce them, it can send the message that our needs don’t count and are less important to others.

I remember sitting with one client-friend and they offered me something and I said “No. How can you expect people to know when they have hit your boundaries when you lead with your unbridled generosity? I won't take you up on the offer as then I do not know where the boundaries are.”  

I channeled my truth.  

I spoke from the heart.  

And.. 

It felt good.  

Weird.  

But Good.  

Boundaries.  

The brilliant (genius, funny, hilarious, intelligent, super wonderful) Brene Brown has the best quote on this. 

 “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others” - Brene Brown - 

Boom!  

Establishing strong and clear boundaries can lead us to strong and clear relationships. Being true to ourselves, our values and beliefs, allows us to have good, healthy conversations about what we feel to be right and wrong.  

A big flag to me was saying no allows us to focus on what we feel is important. A great way to do this is by focusing on your core-desired feelings. Channel your Danielle La Porte and see if it’s lighting you up on or not!  

So what can we do? 

1. Take time out and notice what drains you. What spaces, places and people drain your emotions and make you feel like you cannot get into your bed soon enough?  We need to understand where the emotional vampires are in our life and know where we are spending our energy. Is that any way to spend your life? Spent?  

2. Name your boundaries. What do you want to put up with? What charges you or what fills up your emotional bank account (Hint: Do more of that).  

3.Get rid of any niggles/doubts (you know that Gollum that’s in your head getting you to try on the ring and telling you that others are more 

important or asking ‘Who are you to say what you do and do not want?”.  Yeah. That one). Say them out loud. Be direct. (With yourself first)  

One more boundary = one step closer to freedom 

Right? 

4. Think about where you want to strengthen your boundaries, what area of your life and choose 3. Go with the small steps rather than the gargantuan leaps.  I want to set boundaries in the area of my work andI shall do this by.... 

5. Notice the difference.  And as they said in (old school reference alert) Grange Hill – Just say No!  

 

Even by writing this article I feel clearer on where my boundaries are and a sense of relief that it’s ok to set them.  

I need to go and buy a fridge for the office now!  

Boundaries-do not cross

Do not

cross the line

Boundaries fridge 1

Rules

of the

fridge

Boundaries 3 - line

There's

a fine line

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Styled into my briefcase

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